and you have been my child beaming at me and i open and open to you
and you have been smothered and covered in dust
barely breathing or already having ceased to breathe
and i have wept for you
wept for all that you have not yet been
and all that i have already forgotten
for though my bones ring electric and
full of stories
sometimes i wake up deaf and cannot
cannot reach thru cakeddriedblood
to remember
to remember like a bell ringing
thru all the sickness
thru the pretending stiff poses
to say
i will sit on the floor with you baby and be with you a baby
tiny wide-eyed and already a little brokenhearted but
still fresh and yes laughing now god yes blooming
speaking fresh words never before spoken
you will be my friend i welcome you
into the company of my dear ones
some of whom are ancient though in young-faced bodies
some of whom i have met only thru books
so strong are their voices they've lasted this long
some of whom i hardly got to meet
before they chose to leave
and i am sorry for not meeting them more richly
for not sharing with them more of what
is precious to me
as i am sorry to you
because there is no time left
because i have been rung like a bell
and will never be the same because
because
you sat across from me and said No
"I will not give you what you asked for
Because I see something Brighter in you
Yet to be grasped so my No is for you
to reach further and
Yes I hear your plea
that you must take this step
to reach where I dream you to be"
and i said oh, ohh, god, thank you
for Vienna and Xander and Kenny and Linda and Arya and Gaza
May 2024